My Diary: Just Pass Through

*Written 10/14/2015

“You have had zero improvement,” said my gastroenterologist. I looked at him unbothered and listened to the proposed game plan: new medication involving an intramuscular injection every two weeks and continuation of the diet plan. It wasn’t until I got into the elevator and walked into the white lobby that I erupted frustrated, tired tears. God mercifully arranged that my two best friends be by my side and I thankfully felt their loving arms enlace around me as I pressed my hands into my face. They both stood firm as pillars while I faintly jerked from the overwhelming entanglement of emotions twisting, untwisting, knotting and unknotting inside me. We stood intertwined in front of the automated glass sweeping doors that robotically opened and closed, closed and opened—I was dizzy.

Dizzy, but not alone. Time seemed to suspend for a moment while I was wrapped up in their hold. I was doing exceptionally well, how could this be?  I thought: dear God, why must you put me through such severe mercies?  Please don’t mistake my question. I know God does not want His children to be sick, nor does He inflict sickness on His beloved. However, I do believe we have our own crosses to bear, and I will say this—I must dig in deeper with what has been laid before me.

The intimidating expanse of God’s wisdom is what I meditate on in order to keep me still and sure. His hand is over me and He knows my life from start to finish. When I have the luxury of immersing myself into His vast, eternal presence, He causes me to blossom and bloom like a soft pink rose in early spring. I must continue to morph into His image.  Is this not our purpose? So with quick repentance, I must refocus my lens and wipe clean its dusty surface in order to gaze into my Healer’s eyes. Oh, what He offers is delicious freedoms and ever-flowing energies of love and wholeness. He said himself that the voyage would not be easy, but what lies on the other side is goodness beyond comprehension.

Friend, remember that it is the thief that comes to steal and kill and destroy¹ but greater is he who is in us than he who is in the world². So live fiercely, for nothing can touch us. But what about the tremendous horrors and evils that dislodge themselves into our paths and the paths of others? Dearest friend always remember that nothing, no evil can penetrate your eternal being with God as your shield. Press into Him, and you will be forever guarded and forever safe. How comforting it is, especially through trying times, to remind ourselves that we are simply passing through this temporal world. Whatever is plaguing you will eventually fall away. So pass through. Emulate a summer breeze that playfully swishes and dips. Explore an open window and rustle through its vivid-blue curtains. Keep weaving in and out, out and in. Curve, and spin, whirl and twist. Lift and push, rise and fall. Pass through.

¹John 10:10  ²1John 4:4

Photo Credit: Karen Hollingsworth “Discreet” Oil on canvas