My Diary: Give Thanks

The sun’s rays slipped through the rainy clouds this morning faintly illuminating my room as I awoke with tired eyes.  A puffy, exhausted face greeted me from the bathroom mirror as I began my morning routine.  My face was round as the moon, my hair was unruly from tossing and turning, eyes were engorged and tinted red, and my camisole pajama top was halfway off, only millimeters from exposing my areola.

I had a rough night.

Tapering off Prednisone is a tricky endeavor.  This prescription steroid can be quite a handful as it beautifully reduces inflammation but at an expensive cost.  Side effects are intense and last night I battled a few—lack of sleep, heart palpitations, night sweats and restlessness.

To be honest, the past three days have left me slightly discouraged.  I began to wean off steroid treatment last week and my Crohn’s symptoms have worsened since I lowered to 20mg.  I am beginning to bleed again, been feeling nauseous, experiencing some diarrhea and my energy levels have decreased.

Before making the drop to 20mg, I was on a high.  I was sleeping exceptionally well, my appetite was intact, my energy was up and I was only dealing with minor abdominal pain and a couple frequent bathroom visits in the morning.  Now, I seem to have taken a couple steps back.

Can I just be symptom-free already?

I must remind myself, however, that this is part of the journey.  I can’t focus on this retrograde moment as I will probably have more in the near future.  The important idea to focus on, is how far I have come.  It was just in March that I was hospitalized for two weeks, weighed 87 pounds, couldn’t walk without a walker and was being pumped with narcotic drugs to help cope with severe abdominal pain.  I am making progress.

Yes, I am making progress and I am continuing to move forward with healing in huge strides.  Today, on May 22, 2018, I weigh 106 pounds and have the energy and strength to bike ride with quick momentum around the entire neighborhood, with ankle weights on, might I add.

How can I forget how far I’ve come?

Friend, this happens to us often.  We forget to give thanks for the good that is happening in our lives.  We forget to honor the blessings that are shown to us and instead harbor on the negative that gets pushed before us.

I always remind myself that there are so many people that have it worse than me—this notion always sobers me up fast.  At least I have all of my limbs, I can speak, there is a roof over my head and food on the table.  I no longer weigh 87 pounds, I don’t need to be confined to a bed, I am not hooked up to an IV, the list becomes endless.  Just meditating on such goodness, makes this retrograde moment wither away into the background as if to escape the light of my enlightened thoughts.  I must train my mind to do this more often.

Just as 1 Thessalonians 5:18 has said all along: give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you.  Interesting that it says all circumstances.  No matter the trial, find a way to give thanks because it changes your perspective and thoughts to view things positively, which actually end up strengthening your mind and spirit to persevere onward despite the difficulty.  Practice this daily and you will find your stamina to increase until soon enough, your strength and tactful ability to maneuver through trails and hardships will surprise you—and who doesn’t love a little surprise?