When Family Doesn’t Support Your Chronic Illness

Living with a Chronic Illness, like Crohn’s Disease in my personal case, is hard enough just with the physical symptoms that arise day to day.  It’s like trying to keep your head above water in the middle of a frightening storm. 

We are constantly bombarded by horrendous symptoms, tossed violently to and fro, and become almost desperate for support from those on the outside. 

Support is everything when enduring chronic illness.

Sometimes we are too weak to cook or clean the house, and it is our family and close friends that see this immediately and come to the rescue. 

It is those close to us that understand when symptoms are intensifying and give us support and grace when we cancel last minute, or leave early from a gathering.  It is our spouses, parents and friends who drive us to appointments, or sit with us during hours of infusion treatments.    

Family and friends are the life blood of keeping us, the chronically ill, feeling somewhat upright and supported.

But nothing on this earth hurts more than having a family member reject or downplay your chronic illness.

Nothing hurts more than feeling betrayed by the very ones you hold near and dear to your heart.    

It’s excruciatingly painful to hear a loved one say:

• “you’re just asking for attention”
• “why do you have to be sick all the time?”
• “can you not be so dramatic?” 
• “I can’t count on you”
• “you’re faking it”
• “why don’t you just get surgery?”
• “I don’t think you’ll be able to do that, you’re too sick”
• “you know, everyone suffers at one point in life”
• “you’re too complicated.”

It is heartbreaking to hear these things, but I’m writing this post to let you know that you aren’t alone. 

You aren’t alone in feeling betrayal by the ones you love and care for the most. 

And I’m also here to tell you that you hurt because you have the advantage.

Yes, my dearest friend, you have what they don’t have at the moment: compassion.  A softened heart.  A desire to help the weak and the struggling.  You have a deep understanding for the overlooked: the sick and disabled.

You know what it’s like to be in a position where helping yourself is impossible.  At 28 years old, I needed a walker because of how weak I was.  I know firsthand, what it’s like to be afraid to fall on the tile floor for fear of breaking a bone.

But it’s exactly that.  We get it.  We understand it.  We live it.  So to turn our backs on someone hurting is almost unthinkable to us, because we know what it’s like.  And so, we must extend the olive branch and give grace to those that simply, don’t know.  For we have the wisdom to understand it.

So forgive those that have wronged you, my friend. 

If they knew the half of it, it would have never been said or done.  So forgive.  Extend grace.  Use that big, compassionate heart of yours and never turn your back on them either. 

Use your diagnosis for good, and fill your circle of family and friends with love, grace and mercy.  Spread all of that goodness out and beyond yourself.  Watch it grow, blossom and bloom.  Inhale its divine perfume and smile amidst the pleasant aroma. 

For you my dear, are one of a kind and not like the others.      

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